Low self-esteem? You can still be a good speaker

I’m all for good self-esteem but if you’re not completely satisfied with the amount you have, you can still be an effective speaker.

The point of getting over yourself is to remove yourself from the mix get out of the way. When you do that, your self-esteem isn’t an issue, because speaking isn’t about you.

Removing yourself from the mix involves focusing on the idea and how it will help the audience or why they need to hear it and realizing that the idea is more important than you are.

If you make mistakes, stay focused on helping the audience (rather than what they think about you) and you’ll get the job done. And, as you trust that, you’ll see that your speaking is being well-received and the ideas acted upon.

Mike Huckabee has a way with analogies

In an interview commenting on the New Hampshire primary race, Mike Huckabee likened it to a NASCAR race and carried on the analogy throughout the interview to make his points. He’s just automatically a folksy guy and maybe these analogies come to him naturally. but it’s one of the things that made him such an attractive candidate 4 years ago. And I suspect he’s worked on that part of his speaking as a way of connecting with his audience and of making his message clear and easy to follow.

This ability to use analogies can be developed. You can do it. Just begin to see how something could be described in other terms related to a parallel subject. Keep practicing and it will become second nature.

And let me know if it inspires you to run for office.

Yes, it’s okay to talk about yourself if . . . .

It’s okay to talk about yourself if it’s to help somebody understand your point. You’re using your experience as an example. Because then you’re not really talking about yourself. And because you’re focused on making your point, and because it’s relevant to your message, neither you nor your audience will take it the wrong way.

It’s not okay to talk about yourself if you’re trying to impress people with how wonderful, intelligent, accomplished, special you are. You’re focused on yourself and so will they be. You won’t be invisible, you will be uncomfortable, and so will your audience.

When you’re clear on the difference you won’t be so reluctant to use your experiences to liven up and drive home your message.

How do you come up with good openings for a presentation?

When you hear openings you like when you’re in the audience, make note of those that grab your attention and make you want to listen. For instance, some questions posed by the speaker cause you to engage and some turn you off. Figure out the difference, so if you’re going to use a question you make it work for you.

One of the most engaging questions I remember from a seminar I attended on using several software programs was, “What’s the most used piece of software in the world?” Wow. That made me begin to think about the answer which meant I was engaged–as was everyone else there. And none of us came up with the right answer.

There are lots of ways to start, and when you get in the habit of seeing what works for you as an audience member, you’ll begin to see possibilities everywhere: billboards, news stories, advertising slogans, bumper stickers, historic facts, movie titles, and much more.

Your opening matters as a way of getting your audience’s attention and of connecting with them. You need to do both for a successful presentation.

Pausing with Rick Perry and Herman Cain

I keep telling you: pausing is your friend. Here are two Presidential candidates that make my point–if you really look at it. (Let me acknowledge that the kind of spotlight Presidential candidates are under is brutal. But there are lessons we can learn for our lesser spotlighted speaking.)

Governor Perry was on autopilot in the debate when he plunged right into the three departments he would cut and couldn’t remember the third department. Knowing there were three and feeling the pressure of answering immediately, that’s where his focus was–not on the point he was making. You have to be present, in-the-moment. You have to be processing the ideas rather than worrying about the outcome. I don’t know how well he knows his points, but he said it with such energy that apparently it was something he’d all ready prepared. He just didn’t focus before opening his mouth. It would have looked focused if he had and he’d have come up with all three.

Herman Cain, on the other hand, paused a long time when he was asked about Libya. And when you watch it, he didn’t look thoughtful in the pause, he looked like he was scrambling. It wasn’t the fact that he paused that was the problem, it was that he let the question throw him and that was where he was focused.

If you have something to say, and  you’re focused on helping your audience, whatever pause comes as a result will be fine.

Just this one thing will make you a better speaker

You can’t learn everything about speaking in my 3-day class but a lot more than you think. But. If you only practice this one thing, you’ll be a much better and happier speaker: get out of the way. Just get out of the way and let your ideas do their job. It’s not about you. It’s always about helping your audience.

The hard part of this is overcoming all those years of worrying about how you are coming across and whether you’re going to remember and if people will like you or use your business. But, since all that worrying has had little in the way of positive results, you should at least be willing to give it up. Start with accepting the logic and being willing to change. From there on, keep practicing shifting your focus. It works. It will work for you.

How’s your networking working?

For many people, I’ve noticed, mingling with a group of people they don’t know is as challenging as giving a speech. And many of the same principles apply to both. When you’re networking, it’s not about you. To be successful and comfortable, be more interested in listening to what others need and focus on how you can help them. Wanting to help takes your focus off yourself and then you’re home free.

Think about who you can introduce them to that might be a useful connection for them. If you’ve been listening, someone you met a few minutes before may be a good fit for them. Networking isn’t about getting business, it’s about building relationships. Connecting with others as human beings not just as business robots. It’s those connections that ultimately will result in your getting business.

You’ve probably been at an event where someone rushes up to you, says his or her name while thrusting a card at you and then rushes on to someone else to do the same thing. This approach rarely generates business.

You’ve got to be in it for the long haul and you’ve got to turn your thought outward towards helping rather than inward towards self-consciousness. You’ll feel more comfortable and so will the people you listen to. After all, they too may be self-conscious and be grateful for your attention.

Metaphors and analogies are good until . . . .

They can be a quick way to get a point across allowing you to use fewer words and paint better pictures. But “kick the can down the road” is a current example of overkill. Many politicians are using it regarding pending legislation. In an interview on a news show yesterday, a White House spokesman used it twice while explaining why the decision on cutting spending for the country needs to be made now. The third time it began to get old. And after that, it was counterproductive. Use it a couple of times maybe and then perhaps use “put it off” or some other way of saying it. That many times begins to sound like a mantra, a memorized way of making your point. Really. You should be looking to connect with your audience, not just go on autopilot.

In this morning’s press conference on the same subject, President Obama used a couple of good word pictures. When talking about not making the changes piecemeal he used the phrase, “rip off the band-aid,” which by itself worked well, something everyone was familiar with, and immediately followed it with “eat your peas” which was even more homey and drew a chuckle from listeners.

Use them when you’re wanting to explain something quickly and vividly, and if you find yourself using one more than once in the same conversation, be sure you’re focused enough to not sound phony.

Don’t copy other speakers

Watch other speakers. Learn from them. But don’t imitate. It’s better to be yourself with some lumps and bumps than to try to copy someone else.

There’s lots to learn if you can look at others objectively. Do you feel connected to the speaker or not? Either way, figure out what’s making you feel that way. Does it feel as though they’re talking  right to you or entertaining themselves? Or do they seem mostly occupied with trying to get it right thereby focusing on themselves?

Does their movement mesh with the message–feet, arms, body? Natural, effortless, appropriate–or not.

Do they speak conversationally or sound scripted? Do they use examples that you can relate to or do they just give you the facts and make you connect all the dots?

Usually, speakers who are more interested in making sure you get the message than in how they come across, voice, movement, examples, will be pretty good and you’ll feel connected.

So, analyze. Don’t copy. Connection is king.

Making it through the Q and A in one piece

Some people love answering questions because they feel on solid ground–they know they’re saying something the questioner is interested in. Others don’t like it because they’re afraid they’ll be asked something they don’t know.

So, the best mind set to have is that you’re there to help (whether you’re speaking or answering questions). If you don’t know the answer, maybe someone else in your audience does. It makes you look good if you’re not threatened by someone else’s knowledge plus the person got what they really wanted–the answer. It doesn’t have to come from you. You’re there to help.

The worst mistake I see people make in answering questions is not really listening to the question. They anticipate what they think the question is going to be, or what they hope it will be, or what they’re afraid it will be. And then they don’t hear what’s actually being asked. And that annoys the audience. They’d rather have you not know the answer than to have you not care about their question.

Pay attention to the questioner and you’ll be more likely to answer the real question plus you’ll be connecting with them because you’re paying attention–to them.

It’s a winner.