Here’s a good role model for your speaking. He’s natural, conversational, funny and to the point. Watching others do a good job can help improve your speaking. TED offers many opportunities to watch speakers with something to say. Of course, some a better than others, but in addition to content, you can learn a lot from their delivery.
You can’t learn everything about speaking in my 3-day class but a lot more than you think. But. If you only practice this one thing, you’ll be a much better and happier speaker: get out of the way. Just get out of the way and let your ideas do their job. It’s not about you. It’s always about helping your audience.
The hard part of this is overcoming all those years of worrying about how you are coming across and whether you’re going to remember and if people will like you or use your business. But, since all that worrying has had little in the way of positive results, you should at least be willing to give it up. Start with accepting the logic and being willing to change. From there on, keep practicing shifting your focus. It works. It will work for you.
For many people, I’ve noticed, mingling with a group of people they don’t know is as challenging as giving a speech. And many of the same principles apply to both. When you’re networking, it’s not about you. To be successful and comfortable, be more interested in listening to what others need and focus on how you can help them. Wanting to help takes your focus off yourself and then you’re home free.
Think about who you can introduce them to that might be a useful connection for them. If you’ve been listening, someone you met a few minutes before may be a good fit for them. Networking isn’t about getting business, it’s about building relationships. Connecting with others as human beings not just as business robots. It’s those connections that ultimately will result in your getting business.
You’ve probably been at an event where someone rushes up to you, says his or her name while thrusting a card at you and then rushes on to someone else to do the same thing. This approach rarely generates business.
You’ve got to be in it for the long haul and you’ve got to turn your thought outward towards helping rather than inward towards self-consciousness. You’ll feel more comfortable and so will the people you listen to. After all, they too may be self-conscious and be grateful for your attention.
Some people love answering questions because they feel on solid ground–they know they’re saying something the questioner is interested in. Others don’t like it because they’re afraid they’ll be asked something they don’t know.
So, the best mind set to have is that you’re there to help (whether you’re speaking or answering questions). If you don’t know the answer, maybe someone else in your audience does. It makes you look good if you’re not threatened by someone else’s knowledge plus the person got what they really wanted–the answer. It doesn’t have to come from you. You’re there to help.
The worst mistake I see people make in answering questions is not really listening to the question. They anticipate what they think the question is going to be, or what they hope it will be, or what they’re afraid it will be. And then they don’t hear what’s actually being asked. And that annoys the audience. They’d rather have you not know the answer than to have you not care about their question.
Pay attention to the questioner and you’ll be more likely to answer the real question plus you’ll be connecting with them because you’re paying attention–to them.
It’s a winner.
If you’re in the limelight, you’d get in less trouble if you’d get over yourself. (As would we all.) Politicians, actors, sports figures, personalities, teenagers begin to think they’re special because they get a lot of attention. And then lose their focus. (It happens to all of us when we think we’re special.)
Anthony Weiner got careless (as do we all) when we think we’re special. Thinking you’re special, makes you think you can get away with inappropriate behavior. And we don’t focus. Thereby compounding the inappropriate behavior by pushing “send” without really being present. (We kid ourselves that we can multitask and that it’s the secret of our success–and then look what happens, while driving, texting, giving a speech, talking to your children or significant other.)
Teenagers are sure they can text and drive (or any number of other things–because they’re special. And next thing you know, you post that private text to the public and get 1500 teens attending your 16th birthday party (as just happened in Germany).
No use pointing fingers at them. We’d all be better off if we could do these two things: got over ourselves and be in the moment. It may be challenging but it’s a lot less dangerous.
We’re in that season again to learn the candidates political views as well things in their delivery that work and don’t work
I caught snippets of a few of the possible GOP Presidential candidates speaking at a meeting last week. Two things that didn’t work jumped out at me. Ralph Reed was doing a fine job of making his point until his last words. He lost the extra bump you can get by staying focused on your last words after you’ve delivered them. It’s like not sticking the landing after your gymnastics performance. He stopped focusing as soon as the words were delivered.
Michele Bachmann needs to stop waving her index fingers around. Less wrist movement, all fingers rather than just the one–looking out of control.
These aren’t hard to fix. Be sure you avoid them in your speaking.
If you’re anxious, you’re probably wondering how it’s going to turn out. Will you remember what to say? Will you say something stupid? Will you make yourself look bad? The irony is that the more time you spend worrying about those things the less time you’re spending on something productive. That worry isn’t productive. And because you’re not keeping your eye on the prize, you’re steering yourself away from the good you could do for this audience and creating high anxiety for yourself.
If you’ll stop worrying about doing a good job and concentrate on delivering something useful to your audience, you’re much more likely to connect with them and get the desired outcome.
It’s not about you. Don’t make about you. Let go of the anxiety. Make everybody happy.
On The Late Show the other night, Robin Williams cut Melissa Leo a little slack for her choice of words at the Academy Awards. He said, “The moment they announce your name, English becomes a second language.”
Perhaps you know the feeling–it’s your turn to speak and suddenly you’re not the rational person you usually are.
I’ve found that in every instance when I’m not concerned about how I look or what others think of me, my mind will continue to function normally. Knowing it’s not about me, keeps me in my right mind.
So, when they call your name the first thing to do is be grateful. Grateful for the recognition. Grateful for all those who contributed to your success. Grateful that you’re able to bring pleasure to someone else. If you can focus on something outside yourself, the larger idea, English will continue to be your first language and you’ll be pleased with the results.
If you’re feeling pressured about your presentation, if you’re stuck trying to get your thoughts organized, or if it’s almost time to give it and you don’t feel ready, talk a walk. Walk and talk out loud. You’ll be amazed at the ideas that come to you and at how much better you’ll remember them. And how much easier it is to see what’s relevant. It’s much faster and more efficient than sitting down in front of your computer trying to force yourself to focus and to be brilliant.
Try it. It will save you lots of time and improve your presentations a lot.
Here’s an article on words that were voted the year’s most annoying: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20101215/od_nm/us_words_annoying
Another set of annoying words that seem to be everywhere is “you guys.” Stick with “you” and leave off the “guys” and the sentence almost always works. It has more class, too.
If you use these words (or any others that distract people from your message), get someone to tell you as you use them and you’ll stop soon enough.
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