Just this one thing will make you a better speaker

You can’t learn everything about speaking in my 3-day class but a lot more than you think. But. If you only practice this one thing, you’ll be a much better and happier speaker: get out of the way. Just get out of the way and let your ideas do their job. It’s not about you. It’s always about helping your audience.

The hard part of this is overcoming all those years of worrying about how you are coming across and whether you’re going to remember and if people will like you or use your business. But, since all that worrying has had little in the way of positive results, you should at least be willing to give it up. Start with accepting the logic and being willing to change. From there on, keep practicing shifting your focus. It works. It will work for you.

How’s your networking working?

For many people, I’ve noticed, mingling with a group of people they don’t know is as challenging as giving a speech. And many of the same principles apply to both. When you’re networking, it’s not about you. To be successful and comfortable, be more interested in listening to what others need and focus on how you can help them. Wanting to help takes your focus off yourself and then you’re home free.

Think about who you can introduce them to that might be a useful connection for them. If you’ve been listening, someone you met a few minutes before may be a good fit for them. Networking isn’t about getting business, it’s about building relationships. Connecting with others as human beings not just as business robots. It’s those connections that ultimately will result in your getting business.

You’ve probably been at an event where someone rushes up to you, says his or her name while thrusting a card at you and then rushes on to someone else to do the same thing. This approach rarely generates business.

You’ve got to be in it for the long haul and you’ve got to turn your thought outward towards helping rather than inward towards self-consciousness. You’ll feel more comfortable and so will the people you listen to. After all, they too may be self-conscious and be grateful for your attention.

You can choose to be a happy speaker

When my brother was in high school, Mom made him go to a party he didn’t want to go to. When he got home she asked him if he had a good time. His answer: “Of course I had a good time. If I’m going to go, I’m going to have a good time.”

As a teenage girl, I can tell you I wouldn’t have given that answer. It would have been important to have been miserable just so I could tell her so.

It was years before I saw how right he was.

Don’t bother trying to make a point about how much you don’t like speaking. If you’re going to do it, choose to have a good time. Focus on helping your audience. They’re more interested in whether they can use your information than if you like speaking.

The right choice can make you a happy speaker.

Articles and tips at www.GettingOverYourself.com

Going blank

On The Late Show the other night, Robin Williams cut Melissa Leo  a little slack for her choice of words at the Academy Awards. He said, “The moment they announce your name, English becomes a second language.”

Perhaps you know the feeling–it’s your turn to speak  and suddenly you’re not the rational person you usually are.

I’ve found that in every instance when I’m not concerned about how I look or what others think of me, my mind will continue to function normally. Knowing it’s not about me, keeps me in my right mind.

So, when they call your name the first thing to do is be grateful. Grateful for the recognition. Grateful for all those who contributed to your success. Grateful that you’re able to bring pleasure to someone else. If you can focus on something outside yourself, the larger idea, English will continue to be your first language and you’ll be pleased with the results.

Myth #16 “Look at their foreheads”

This unfortunate piece of advice is offered in the hope of allaying nervousness while also making the audience think you’re looking at them.

I’ve also heard it suggested to find one friendly face and talk to that person.

Both of these have serious downsides and avoid the actual solution.

Looking at people’s foreheads may fool the people you’re looking at, but you’ll miss the calming effect of looking in their eyes. You’ll also miss the real connection that tells you whether or not they’re with you. In addition, you’ll lose the immediacy of conversation; your voice will become less energetic and your gestures and body language will fade.

Choosing one person in the audience to look at, instead of including everyone, will also rob you of visual feedback and dilute your connection with the audience. Along with making everyone else feel unneccessary, you’ll make that person you’re looking at uncomfortable.

So, for real connection and real comfort, look at (and see) each person long enough to connect. And take your time having a conversation with the entire audience — one person at a time.

Can you stand still? Please.

While moving around a stage can add to a presentation, it can also subtract from it. The difference is if the movement is with purpose. If standing in one place makes you uncomfortable then speaking itself probably makes you uncomfortable with the result that you’re not in charge of your body or your presentation.

You’d be more powerful standing still and speaking with focus and energy than you’d be if you’re charging around the stage, rocking, pacing, shifting because you’re anxious, unsure, unfocused and not in your right mind.

The goal is to be in your right mind, know what you’re thinking, saying, doing. Then, if you move, it will be with purpose. Communication anxiety is not your friend. And neither is unintended movement. Learn to speak standing still so you can be in charge.

Myth #13: Making mistakes can destroy your credibility

If that’s what you believe, you’re more likely to make a mistake because you’re trying so hard not to.

You’ve heard: “Keep your eye on the prize,” and that’s what it takes. Mistakes aren’t the prize and not worthy of your focus. And not making mistakes isn’t the prize either.

Your goal is not to let anything interfere with delivering your message. (These people need to hear that message.) And nothing will get in the way of that — if you don’t let it.

Wrong word? Can’t think of the word? Don’t know the right word? Substitute something else that conveys the concept.

Malfunctioning equipment? Wrong slides? Difficult room setup? Focus on how to accomplish your task, use as few words as possible to deal with the problem, and move on.

The audience only wants to now, “What have you done for me lately?” Your problems or your self image aren’t their center of attention unless you make it so.

Prepare well; focus on helping your audience; and deal comfortably with any mistakes. Bring yourself and your audience back to the point and they’ll forget the mistakes.

You’ll keep your reputation and accomplish your goal.

Walk for inspiration, focus, and to quiet your nervousness

Instead of sitting down at the computer trying to force your presentation into being, go out and take a walk. And while you’re walking, examine your presentation aloud. The talking, the movement, work together to bring latent ideas to the front of your mind and begin to sort them–without stress and strain on your part.

At any point in the process (organizing, practicing, shortly before your presentation, or any time you feel stuck or overwhelmed), be kind to yourself, go take a walk and talk your ideas out loud. It’s the fastest way to come up with the ideas and the strongest way to make them yours.

People who participate in my seminars report this really works. So why not give it a try?

 

Speaking can be your gift to your audience

Instead of thinking of speaking as a chore, or as being about you, think of it as a gift to your audience. You’re giving them information, saving them from doing research, helping them make a decision, or any one of a number of things.

Figure out how this is a help to your audience and it’s easy to adjust your thinking from focusing on yourself to focusing on helping the audience. A small change in focus that makes a big difference in how you feel, how you perform, and how your audience perceives you and your message.

Myth #11 Speaking to a crowd is different from speaking one-on-one

I’ll grant you there are more people in the audience, but let’s focus on how they’re alike. (It’s more efficient to talk to a group than to talk too them one at a time.)

Talking to just one may be easy because you aren’t worried what you’re going to say next, or because you’re actually having a conversation which involves looking at them, noticing their reactions, and feeling that it’s interactive. That gives you an idea of how they’re responding to what you say.

So, let’s apply those same things to speaking to an audience. Start with the idea that you’re having a conversation with a lot of people at once; just sharing an idea with them. You’ll sound genuine and be more effective.

1) Not worrying about what you’re going to say next: Organize your material in a logical flow and develop a story line about it that’s easy for you to follow. You’ll just be sharing your ideas (even technical ones) and not just verbalizing your notes.

2) Having a conversation that involves seeing their responses: Instead of seeing the audience as a mass of people, see them as individuals. Talk to each person seeing them as clearly as in a one-on-one conversation) and you’ll feel connected with your material and with the audience.

3) Feeling like you’re ina 2-way communication: Whenever possible, know who you’re talking to before you decide what to say (that is, analyze your audience). That’s where you’re developing their part of the communication–you’re answering their (unspoken) questions.

And, if it’s not possible to find out who they are ahead of time, find out who they are on-the-spot: “I’d like to know something abou tyou so I can make my sure my remarks are relevant. By a show of hands, how many of you. . . ?” Ask the questions you need to know abut them so you can tweak your remarks to fint.

Perception really is reality. Expect it to be a conversation, expect to connect with them naturally; then do everything you can to make it easy for you to deliver it in just that way. It can be as easy as having a one-on-one conversation.