Getting Over Yourself

June 24, 2013

Representative Mike Kelly makes it hard to listen to him

On “This Week” on ABC yesterday, Representative Mike Kelly of Pennsylvania was a good example of how to stop the conversation. It’s good to speak with conviction (which he does) but it’s also good to look as though you are open to other views (which he didn’t).

The others on the panel were able to state their views in a way that you knew they believed what they were saying, but they didn’t give the sense that if you didn’t agree with them that you were wrong. Representative Kelly gives the impression that there are no other views. It’s the end of the subject.

When you’re giving a speech, talking to your coworkers, teaching someone how to do something, your best bet is to believe in and be focused on what you have to say. And, as you do that, if you’re also respecting the other person’s right to a point-of-view and respecting them, you’re a lot more likely to get them to cooperate with you. We all need to feel that we’re respected and being heard.

June 21, 2013

“That’s a good question” probably won’t connect you with your audience

Filed under: Tips — Barbara Rocha @ 11:35 am
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We often hear speakers say, ‘That’s a good question,’ before they give the answer. And it may be okay sometimes, but you risk looking insincere if you say it to every question, or insulting the only person you didn’t say it to.

More important than saying those words, is that the questioner feels they’ve asked a good question.

If you want the questioner to feel they asked a good question, pay attention to the question and listen to what they’re saying. Paying attention vividly illustrates that you value the question, thereby making the questioner feel important, feel heard, and be more receptive to you and to your answer. (It also helps you answer the question more satisfactorily because you actually heard what they were saying.)

“If you want to be listened to, you should put in time listening.” Marge Piercy

June 19, 2013

Refuse to be nervous

Filed under: Observations — Barbara Rocha @ 11:14 am
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I just read yet another article that says EVERYBODY is nervous so don’t worry about it. And it goes on to make the same old points about it giving energy and life to your presentation.

I don’t disagree that that can be the case. But, if you can get the same result without being nervous, why wouldn’t you want to do that?
When you’re nervous, you’re pretty much thinking about yourself in one way or another. On the other hand, when you think about sharing your subject with your audience thinking about how it can help them, you’re not thinking about yourself. And there goes the nervousness.

The energy and life come from your caring about your subject and your audience. No need to be nervous.

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