Getting Over Yourself

February 19, 2018

What keeps you from speaking up?

You can take that question in a couple of ways: 1. Why don’t you say something when there’s something to be said? 2. When you do speak, why don’t you speak UP? That is, speak loudly enough to be heard.
The answer to both of those are pretty much the same–we let ourselves get in the way of speaking up.
There is such a thing as perhaps having too much to say and just being annoying. But I’m addressing the reluctance to speak up when it would be to your benefit (or someone else’s) to do so.
Getting in the way of speaking up comes from focusing on what people might think of you. Not wanting to be the center of attention. Not fully committing to the idea you are expressing.
In the case of speaking up about something that needs to be changed, fixed, or considered, it helps to focus on the outcome you’re looking for and the benefits of that outcome. If there are none, then don’t speak up. But if there are, then craft your thoughts to reflect those benefits and keep your eye on the prize. When you value an idea and appreciate what it can do for the current situation, you’ll find it much easier to speak up.
In the case of not speaking loudly enough to be heard, the same process just described will help get you off yourself and start thinking about the value of the message you’re delivering. If it’s important enough to say, then it’s important enough to be heard.
I’ve noticed that when people are introducing themselves, talking about their business or their project, the not speaking up often gets worse. When you don’t speak loudly enough to be heard, it seems apologetic and diminishes your credibility.
Take a moment to value the ideas and you will find it much easier to see the idea as the center of attention rather than mistakenly focusing on yourself as the center of attention.

http://www.GettingOverYourself.com for more tips

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February 16, 2018

Watch the Olympics to improve your speaking

Filed under: Tips — Barbara Rocha @ 3:04 pm
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In almost every event you’ll see total focus on an idea–the idea being whatever their event is. And sometimes you can tell when someone is distracted by the enormity of being in the Olympics.

A commentator the other night said of one of the Russian skaters (who fell down on one of his moves) that he was brilliant in practice, but got into his own head too much during the event anticipating what was coming rather than letting muscle memory take over.

That can happen in speaking. You can let the noise in your head when you’re in front of an audience stop you from going with the flow of your story. Letting the story tell itself rather than forcing it.

And many of the individual sports have actions that let the judges know they’re in control. In snow boarding a commentator talked about how grabbing the board while in the air was one of those actions.

In speaking, one of the main actions that tells the audience you’re in control, is your comfort with silence. Being able to pause before you start and to pause to let the audience think about the ideas is huge.

One snow boarder quietly waited for the wind to subside before starting his run. It’s what he needed to do and often it’s what you need to do–be able to wait until you’re ready.

Shaun White, the Italian and North Korean pair skaters all had a freedom in their bodies that made it fun to watch. When they’re that comfortable in what they’re doing, it’s easier for me to trust the performance.

And the same can be true for you in speaking.

The Olympics is the most concentrated block of total focus that takes place in our lives that gives us a chance to observe and learn. You can pick up some valuable tips by being conscious of those principles that show up in individual Olympic events and in your speaking.

http://www.GettingOverYourself.com

January 26, 2015

What was good about Mario Cuomo’s speaking ability?

Filed under: Tips — Barbara Rocha @ 1:15 pm
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People always ask who I consider to be good speakers. And there are many. Here are 2 YouTube videos that you can watch for examples of good pauses, of being in the moment, of being conversational and connected to the audience. Watch them for the way they present the ideas and pick up a few tips for yourself.

And, if you don’t get caught up with whether or not you agree with the message, you can also see these as examples of the speaker being invisible–keeping you focused on their message rather than on their personal characteristics.

Mario Cuomo’s recent passing recalled his speech at the 1984 Democratic Convention and you’ll easily find that on YouTube. If you watch that one, you should be impressed with how he was able to keep his focus in that huge arena with so many things going on around him.

This interview on 60 Minutes shows how seamlessly he moves from conversation to a speech. He’s pretty much the same either way. The first 7 minutes of this clip shows him in several speaking situations. http://www.cbsnews.com/videos/mario-cuomo-the-60-minutes-interview/

The second is one I just came across recently and it’s a woman speaking on a religious subject. Such subjects can be hard to carry off without sounding personal and also to be engaging. I think you’ll find this accomplishes both. http://christianscience.com/prayer-and-health/inspirational-media/lectures-online-and-near-you/god-is-speaking-to-you-8-mins-eng/%28language%29/eng-US

For more tips: http://www.GettingOverYourself.com

February 18, 2014

Charlie White stays in the moment and gets the Gold!

If you’ve been following the Olympics, perhaps you’ve seen clips of Charlie White and Meryl Davis from early on in their skating careers. One shows Charlie just outside his hockey game with an reporter asking him which he liked best–ice skating performance or hockey? His answer is classic: whichever one he was doing at the time. I’d imagine that Meryl and Charlie both were totally in the moment on that Gold medal performance.

Someone once asked the pianist Vladimir Horowitz what was the most important thing his father-in-law, the conductor Arturo Toscani, ever did. His answer was, “Whatever he was doing at the moment, whether he was conducting a symphony or peeling an orange.”

These athletes are conditioned, prepared, strong, and it often comes down to their focus. One of the men skaters fluffed a jump that came right before a total change in tempo and attitude in the music. I think it’s quite possible he let himself anticipate what was coming and didn’t stay with the jump he was making.

You have the power to stay in the moment when you’re speaking, and the outcome will be much like it is for the athletes in terms of your accomplishing your goal. You have more chances to fix problems that come up by your losing your focus, and you may go on to win the “gold,” but you’re better off to keep working on not being distracted by who’s in the audience, or what could happen to your job, or whether or not you’re going to remember some piece of information.

You will do your best–and probably shine–if you stay with how your message benefits your listeners. Stay in the moment.

February 11, 2014

Jamie Anderson says she stays in the “now” and it got her a Gold Medal

Yes, watching the Olympics can help your speaking. There are always examples during the games of those who are completely focused and “in the now,” and those who aren’t.  Being in the now means to me being able to see and know what’s going on and respond to it in real time with whatever is appropriate.

While watching the women’s biathlon, it was pretty easy to see when they were shooting at the target whether they stayed with it the whole time or whether they lost their focus. The announcer made it clear, several times, that the shots they were most likely to miss were the first and the last. It’s the same with speaking. Sometimes you don’t let go of what you were just doing in order to focus on the first words of your speech, or in this case on your first shot. And, when speaking, it’s easy at the end to think something like, “I’m almost finished” instead of focusing on your closing message. On one of the shooters, it was obvious that she hadn’t stayed focused on her last shot because the rifle barrel lifted just as she pulled the trigger.

You may not win a Olympic medal for your speech, but you’ll feel pretty darn good if you’ll stay focused on connecting your message to your audience rather than what just happened or what’s about to happen. And your audience will get your point.

January 16, 2014

How to keep your mind from going on vacation during a speech

Filed under: Tips — Barbara Rocha @ 11:58 am
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Blanking out, forgetting what you want to say, feeling like you’re losing it come from the noise in your head. And that noise is all about being self-conscious. Shut down the noise and you’ve conquered the problem–you’ll be your normal intelligent self.

The solution to being self-conscious is to practice being “other-conscious,” not in the “I wonder what they’re thinking of me” sense, but rather, “What can I do to help them?” while paying attention to whether or not they look like they’re being helped.

Stop the noise and focus on helping your audience and you won’t take those little vacations.

October 24, 2013

Breaking the rules of speaking and getting it right

Filed under: Observations — Barbara Rocha @ 10:16 am
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I love this video. It’s totally inspirational to lift your day and your life. And, he’s an amazing speaker who does things most people can’t get away with.

http://poptech.org/popcasts/benjamin_zander__poptech_2008

August 22, 2013

What’s wrong with this Walmart commercial?

Filed under: Observations — Barbara Rocha @ 10:35 am
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Watch the Walmart commercial touting their great fresh produce and see if you can find the flaw. It takes place in a produce stand; everyone is marveling at the amazing produce. Then announcer starts to ask a customer, “What would you say if . . . .?”The question, in its entirety is “What would you say if I told you all this produce was from Walmart?” However, the actor’s face lights up in total disbelief before the punch line of the question. Which kind of kills the idea of spontaneous question and response. And makes it feel likes he’s an actor, not an actual customer.

When you’re speaking, you have to stay in the moment if you want really good results. Thinking ahead will interfere with your point and your connection with the audience. Once again it makes the point: Timing is everything.

June 21, 2013

“That’s a good question” probably won’t connect you with your audience

Filed under: Tips — Barbara Rocha @ 11:35 am
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We often hear speakers say, ‘That’s a good question,’ before they give the answer. And it may be okay sometimes, but you risk looking insincere if you say it to every question, or insulting the only person you didn’t say it to.

More important than saying those words, is that the questioner feels they’ve asked a good question.

If you want the questioner to feel they asked a good question, pay attention to the question and listen to what they’re saying. Paying attention vividly illustrates that you value the question, thereby making the questioner feel important, feel heard, and be more receptive to you and to your answer. (It also helps you answer the question more satisfactorily because you actually heard what they were saying.)

“If you want to be listened to, you should put in time listening.” Marge Piercy

January 24, 2013

What’s with the wimpy close to your presentation?

Filed under: Tips — Barbara Rocha @ 1:15 pm
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It’s the last thing they hear so you better give it a lot of thought and then focus on it when you’re saying it.

If they didn’t hear the rest of your speech, this is your last chance to make your point. So make it microcosm of the whole thing:

Summarize briefly, reminding them of your main points. Bring the topic back to what’s in it for them. Tell them what you want them to do and the benefit to them of doing it. Add a sound bite, say it with conviction and “stick the landing.”

As a part of that, you could repeat your opening statement which gives it symmetry.
In giving an informative talk you might say, “So if the emergency light ever flashes in your section remember to do these 3 things: 1. Stop what you’re doing and turn off the machine. 2. Walk calmly to the nearest exit. And 3. Pull the alarm next to the exit. Your quick calm response can avoid an accident. Follow these rules and save a life.”

It’s not that different in persuasion—it’s always about your audience and what this means to them: “So I’ve shown you how we can sell more widgets by doing these 3 things: Hiring 2 new people, investing in new software, and adding 200 square feet of floor space. I recommend we accept these proposals immediately so we can include the higher sales figures in the next quarterly report. It’s an investment in the company’s future.”

And please. Stay focused on what you’re saying in the close. If you’re thinking, “Oh boy, I made it.” Or, “yippee, I’m almost finished” you’re bound to mess it up and leave them focused on your inappropriate exit rather than on your point.

“Your closing should be strong, cut sharply in midair like a musical masterpiece.”
Joseph J. Kelley, Jr.

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