Getting Over Yourself

September 26, 2016

If I were you, I’d record the debates

Filed under: Tips — Barbara Rocha @ 10:28 am
Tags: , , , , ,

I’m thinking we’ll be watching for substance and every useful thing we can get out of the debates tonight. And I don’t think we should be distracted by observing speaking strengths and quirks as we do that. BUT. If we record them, it will give us the chance to do some serious observing to see what works as a speaker and what gets in the way.

The more objectively this an be done (as in not being swayed by your personal view of the candidate) the more you learn. So, when you watch the recording, select a few minutes that seem interesting (or confusing) and do 3 things. First, watch it one time without any sound. Second, listen to it once without watching. And third, watch it once in fast forward. By separating the “channels” of your intake, you’ll pick up quite different messages that can help you see what kinds of things affect how your audience listens to you.

And if you have a video of a presentation of yours, try the same thing. It helps you be clear which things are working and which you could tweak a bit.

http://www.GettingOverYourself.com

Advertisements

August 11, 2016

“Good listeners make better leaders

Filed under: Observations — Barbara Rocha @ 10:00 am
Tags: , , , ,

Tim Grierson

has written a thoughtful article exploring two approaches to speaking: “take no prisoners” vs. the ability to listen and incorporate what you hear. He and I spent some time talking about my views on the subject which are also part of the article.

I’ve printed the first couple of paragraphs and included the link where you can read the whole thing. You might find it helpful as you examine your own style and how it’s being perceived.

By Tim Grierson

In a culture that considers speaking a sign of status and leadership, don’t underestimate the power of being a good listener

Last week, Hillary Clinton became the first woman to accept a presidential nomination from a major American political party. She’s done a lot to make it to this point, but commentators spent their time talking about the way she speaks.

“She’s not really at ease speaking in public, and it shows,” Andrew Sullivan wrote for New York magazine about her speech at Thursday’s Democratic National Convention. “I get that this is actually her appeal to some: that she’s a detail-oriented pol who works best off the public stage. But a president does need to connect, to inspire and to rally.” Vox’s Emily Crockett compiled a series of tweets from male pundits who dissected Clinton’s voice, pointing out an inherent double standard: “[Female leaders] have to walk a difficult line of being assertive but not too aggressive, likable but not too much of a pushover.”

http://tinyurl.com/BeAGoodListener

And for more info on speaking you can go to my website at GettingOverYourself.com.

 

August 10, 2016

Does Donald Trump WANT to be President?

Donald Trump reminds me of my son when he was 14: he’d get caught for stuff that was so ridiculous that I could only conclude that someone as smart as he wanted to get caught.

This feels a lot like that in that Trump says things that seem designed to keep him from getting elected. And, since he’s apparently a smart guy, it looks as though it’s his way of being sure he isn’t elected.

Perhaps this is his way of avoiding the actual tedious nature of BEING President. And just have the fun of being the HUGE center of attention for a year or so.

Perhaps once his numbers were terrific and it looked like being President was a real possibility for him, he just removed any boundaries..

Who knows how the election will turn out. He’s broken all the rules and has had great numbers. But please, don’t use him as a role model for your speaking–except for the part where you hone in on being perfectly clear who your audience is and tailoring your message to them.

March 2, 2016

Can anyone trump, Trump?

This whole election cycle is so interesting I hardly know where to start. They’re always interesting in terms of learning things about your own speaking–what works and what doesn’t. But this time has certainly bumped up the stakes.

The question seems to be: Can anyone trump, Trump?

One lesson to learn from for your own speaking skills is that you can’t really copy anybody else. Marco Rubio is suddenly sounding like Donald Trump in his choice of words, but his delivery falls short.

I think there are very few people in the world who could successfully carry off what Trump is doing. Listen to his voice and watch his body language–which are a huge part of his message. His voice completely condemns someone either with it’s total conviction as fact, or as completely dismissive of an idea he wants to trash.

Marco Rubio can’t quite commit because it’s not an ingrained part of his persona. So his words are matching Trumps in snideness but his voice comes short of conviction so it tends to sound more whiny or defensive.

I once heard someone say, “Never wrestle with a pig in mud. You just get dirty and the pig likes it.” Perhaps there’s something in that that can be applied here.
Part of the problem with going after Trump and trying to straighten everyone out with the facts about him, is that when his supporters are interviewed some have made it clear it’s not about the facts. They’re “mad as hell, and not going to take it anymore.”

Aristotle said something like, “People make up their minds based on emotion and justify it with the facts.” My mother always joked about people who wouldn’t listen, “My mind is made up, don’t confuse me with the facts.”

Something in one of those applies here. So trying to share facts may just make Trump’s supporters mad at you for suggesting they’re stupid.

At the least, what you may get is that you’re better off to be authentic. And that no matter how much you admire someone else’s style, or no matter how much you want to come out on top, copying probably isn’t the answer.

January 26, 2015

What was good about Mario Cuomo’s speaking ability?

Filed under: Tips — Barbara Rocha @ 1:15 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

People always ask who I consider to be good speakers. And there are many. Here are 2 YouTube videos that you can watch for examples of good pauses, of being in the moment, of being conversational and connected to the audience. Watch them for the way they present the ideas and pick up a few tips for yourself.

And, if you don’t get caught up with whether or not you agree with the message, you can also see these as examples of the speaker being invisible–keeping you focused on their message rather than on their personal characteristics.

Mario Cuomo’s recent passing recalled his speech at the 1984 Democratic Convention and you’ll easily find that on YouTube. If you watch that one, you should be impressed with how he was able to keep his focus in that huge arena with so many things going on around him.

This interview on 60 Minutes shows how seamlessly he moves from conversation to a speech. He’s pretty much the same either way. The first 7 minutes of this clip shows him in several speaking situations. http://www.cbsnews.com/videos/mario-cuomo-the-60-minutes-interview/

The second is one I just came across recently and it’s a woman speaking on a religious subject. Such subjects can be hard to carry off without sounding personal and also to be engaging. I think you’ll find this accomplishes both. http://christianscience.com/prayer-and-health/inspirational-media/lectures-online-and-near-you/god-is-speaking-to-you-8-mins-eng/%28language%29/eng-US

For more tips: http://www.GettingOverYourself.com

December 18, 2014

“Are there any questions?” isn’t a close for your presentation

Filed under: Tips — Barbara Rocha @ 12:38 pm
Tags: , , , ,

Your last words can make or break your presentation. If there’s any hope they’ll remember (and act on) anything you’ve said, those last few words are the key.

So, your last words should wrap up your message by summarizing what you’ve said and pointing them in the direction of the action, or change of thought you’re trying to effect. If you’re taking questions after your talk, you need to do that wrap up, let it sink in to the audience and then ask for questions.

Then after the Q and A session, close again–with the main point you want them to take with them. Some of the questions may have been interesting, but not quite to your point. Keep control of your message by having it be the last thing they hear. A brief bumper sticker message.

October 6, 2014

3 Ways to annoy your audience right at the start of your presentation

Filed under: Tips — Barbara Rocha @ 8:50 am
Tags: , , , ,

The most important part of any presentation is connecting with your audience (because they’re more likely to listen to you if you do), so it’s very sad to see people annoying the audience with their first words. So you want to avoid these:

1. Starting with a question that doesn’t actually engage the audience. Make sure if you ask a question that they feel as though they’re helping you by answering or that makes them think. See my short YouTube video for examples of good questions: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KkezB6tElQc
2. Starting before your brain is in gear. It causes you to say meaningless things that you had no intention of saying. You’re not focused, not making the audience feel important, and not encouraging them to listen. You and your audience will be much happier if you wait until you’re focused. You can watch to get some tips: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJHsSxUSEpE

3.Opening with an abstract, generic statement. It’s not likely to get them to stop texting because it doesn’t actively engage them. Even if they’re eager to hear your subject, they won’t start listening until you say something that’s meaningful to them. Something that’s said in a little different way. Pull them in by describing the problem. Or giving an example. Or telling a story that illustrates why they should listen.

Work on that opening so you’re not annoying them with your first words.

September 3, 2014

Don’t wreck your speech by trying to be smooth

Being a smooth speaker can do you in. Here are 3 reasons not to be smooth when you’re speaking:
1. Most people see smooth as untrustworthy, manipulative, insincere, or some other undesirable quality. And they see it as something they need to protect themselves from.

2. When you’re smooth, you’re probably focusing more on maintaining your image than on helping the audience. They can tell and it doesn’t work in your favor.

3. People striving for smooth tend to blow right through the pauses and miss great opportunities for highlighting big points.

It’s far better to be genuine, conversational, believable. If you have to stop and think, the audience sees that as a plus: “Look! The speaker is thinking!”

July 3, 2014

Using people’s names can backfire if you don’t do it right

There’s some truth to the conventional wisdom that people love to hear the sound of their own names. And that’s true if you do it right. The question is, why are you calling them by name? Is it because someone told you that was a good thing to do, or because you’re genuinely paying attention to them?

Sales letters and sales people sometimes overdo it by continuing to use your name. There’s something creepy about that because it’s not real.

Using someone’s name can be a great compliment or a big turnoff.

The real secret is to pay attention to people rather than worrying about yourself or struggling to connect.

So, it’s fine to use people’s names. What really makes them feel good is your paying attention to them–with or without saying a name.

April 11, 2014

3 Tips for feeling good when you start speaking

Nobody wants to have to recover from a bad start. So, here are 3
things that will help you get off to a good start in your
presentation. Which makes it likely you’ll do a better job all the
way through.

Whistle a happy tune

Have something happy going on in your head. An upbeat song
can affect your posture and your face. There’s a woman I see
when I’m walking in the morning and I can tell from her body
language what kind of song is playing on her iPod. Make sure
yours is a happy one.

Don’t start until your brain is in gear

If you start because you think the audience expects it, they’re in
control . Not you. That’s scary for both you and the audience.
Who knows what will come out of your mouth? And it probably
won’t make you look good.

Take a breath. Focus. Make sure you know who you are and
where you are. And then start.

Start with something easy

It’ll be easy to remember and you’re on a roll. There’s an
example or story or fact that connects to your point that resonates
with you. Use it and all you have to do is visualize it and tell it.

Forcing it to be what you think you”should” say, means you’ll
probably use words and phrases that have no “pictures” attached
to them. “Businesslike” rather than conversational. Hard to
remember. Hard to say. So, you’re stiff and uncomfortable.

Start with something easy. It’ll make it easy to engage with your
subject and your audience.

Next Page »

Blog at WordPress.com.