What to do when people get snarky when you make your point

My mother used to tell me, “It’s your tone of voice” when I complained about how my brother was treating me. So first it’s important to be aware of your tone of voice, making sure you’re not sounding superior or condescending. You’ll get a lot less push back if you present the idea as something to be considered rather than something fixed in concrete. Even when there is no other possible way to look at the situation, someone will, and they just won’t hear someone who is telling them they are wrong.

It’s true, though, that sometimes the listener is so sensitive to the subject at hand, that they’ll get snarky anyway, regardless of how reasonable you sound. And then you have to continue to not get in the way–to not take anything they say personally. They may feel the need to rant. You need to feel the need to stay focused on ideas, not on personalities, and never let yourself feel like a target. They’re ranting because the issue threatens them in some way and they just lash out.

Listen and nod. But don’t take the bait. And perhaps say something calm about their obviously having thought about this a lot. “And yet, for the moment, I stand by my remarks.”

http://www.GettingOverYourself.com

Not talking may give you more presence

When we’re asked to speak, usually the first thing that comes up is “what will I say?” And then the words seem to remain front and center leading up to “how will I remember everything?”

We’ve talked about how to make it easier to remember your story and there are many things you can do to keep your story line straight as you speak.

But sometimes worrying about getting all the words right leads to tense delivery. And that leads to everything coming out in a hurry.

Do yourself a favor. Stop worrying about whether you’re going to remember; this allows you to get up there and tell those people what you need or want them to know. If they get that, then you’ve been a success. (If you can’t remember how to make your story easier to remember, e-mail me and ask.)

Not talking often has more impact than talking. Meaning, let yourself pause. Participate in your story and you’ll realize that you can’t just blow through these things–even you won’t be able to process the ideas.

Silence is your friend. It’s what we do in conversation. Pause and let the idea sink in (for both the speaker and the listener). Being able to do that gives you a sense of being in charge, and actually allows you to deliver your message conversationally.

When you’re able to naturally intersperse your message with enough silence to allow everyone to absorb the ideas (yes, you too) then you automatically have presence. Which is a good thing.

http://www.GettingOverYourself.com