Transfer your speaking skills to conversation

When speaking to a group, you lead with your best stuff to make sure they’re listening to the rest of your message. You then arrange it so there’s a logical flow with some interesting backup all they while tying it to what they’re interested in.

A version of that can perk up your conversations, as well. Of course, some conversations just meander and everyone’s okay with that. But in those conversations where you’d like to keep people engaged–or you’re required to keep them engaged–you can use those same speech-organizing skills. The most satisfying conversations are built around ideas, not people or things.

So, keep your eyes open for interesting facts that can be the basis for a conversation. Think about people you might be talking to and what things about those facts might be of interest to these people. What are questions you might ask to get them to participate?

For stranger-interaction conversations, it’s helpful to remember that many people are reluctant to enter a conversation with a stranger. The sooner you can get to a neutral topic that doesn’t make them feel on-the-spot or like the center of attention, the sooner they’ll relax and get into the topic and fully engage.

An opening remark in such a case might be something like “Were you able to see the eclipse last week?” Which could lead to a descriptive conversation even though it’s a “yes” or “no” answer. Or “How was the traffic on the way from the airport?” Things people will know and that don’t feel invasive.

On the other hand, with acquaintances, those interesting facts you’ve collected can open up a whole new avenue of interaction. (It’s good to get facts from neutral sources that can be checked so you’re not delving into the realm of opinion or fantasy.)

For me, The Christian Science Monitor (which is universally recognized for its unbiased reporting) is crammed with interesting things that could be used in all kinds of groups.

My latest “Oh wow!” fact from that source is that Australian chemists are working on water batteries (aqueous metal-ion batteries) to replace lithium batteries. And the article includes enough of how they’re doing it to make it feel hopeful as an actual solution–definitely enough for a conversation.

Since we are all hard-pressed to get through our days without our lithium batteries, it could be a good conversation starter.

Maybe not all the people I talk with would be interested, but enough that it’s worth thinking about. And then also keep handy a couple of other facts that would appeal to other folks.

In a speech, you need a good closing. Conversations tend to have their own flow which means you probably won’t end up where you started with no need for a closing. But having a good interesting idea to get things started can completely change the nature of the conversation and the experience, and generally be more satisfying.

http://www.GettingOverYourself.com Learn to speak via Zoom

How to get your boss to listen to you

It’s pretty much what your mother told you: Stand up straight and look them in the eye. In case that’s not enough, we’ll dig a little deeper for how to make that happen.

If your boss doesn’t listen to you, your ideas get attributed to somebody else, you don’t feel respected, it waters down your enthusiasm for “the team,” and it’s not helpful in terms of getting promoted.

Oddly enough, the answer is to work more on your invisibility. You may remember that invisibility is your friend because it keeps people focused on the ideas and not on you. That makes them more likely to actually hear the idea and act on it.. And, contrary to what you might expect, you’re more likely to get the credit.

Not being “invisible” greatly exacerbates people’s biases based on gender, age, race, culture, ethnicity, etc.

We don’t want the audience to think of us as women or men, young or old, black, brown, beige, foreign, local, rich, poor, or any other irrelevant description.

Two things help here:

1. If there’s something physically distracting that’s changeable (overly feminine or masculine gestures, an accent, clothing) you can work to eliminate that.

Gestures shouldn’t be either feminine or masculine, they should fit the idea–which makes the idea the center of focus, not you. Appropriate use of your hands point the audience to the idea.

If there’s a pronunciation or two that people are often confused by when you speak, you can work on making that sound easier for your audience to understand. Clothing is just a matter of being aware of who’s in your audience and what’s appropriate for them and the occasion.

2. If you’re focusing on yourself, you can work to change that to focusing on how this subject will be useful to this audience.

What you’re thinking is paramount. No matter how your listener treats you, you need to be clear on the value of your idea. It has nothing to do with who has the power, the position, or the most money. If any of those things sway you, you’re no longer focused on the idea and its value to the company, the client, or the current listener.

When you focus on the idea, your posture becomes stronger and more confident–because you know it’s about what the idea can accomplish and not about you. Your voice takes on the tone of conviction–not argumentative, bossy, pleading, apologetic. When the question is “what is 2 + 2″ you can confidently answer “4″ without any reservation. It’s just the truth. There is no personal bias in your body or in your voice.

If you want your boss to listen to you, that’s how to do it. No whining, no aggression, no fear. And because it’s not about you, if they turn it down, it won’t feel personal. Because the quest is for the truth, not for glory.

Knowing that you can’t own an idea (after all, someone else could have the same idea), it frees you to deliver it with conviction and clarity and not feel personal — whether it’s accepted or not.

They will listen if you get out of the way.

http://www.GettingOverYourself.com

Do this instead of memorizing your speech!

Just like a kid in a recital who forgets a memorized piece, you may find yourself having to go back and start over if you forget the next word.

It is possible to memorize a speech and have it work–motivational speakers do it. But they’re going to give theirs many times and get paid for it, so it can justify the many hours it takes to get all the words in the right order (that’s a huge commitment of time), and then many more hours to work on all the gestures and facial expressions and then work on your voice so that it sounds natural, enthusiastic, sincere, and like you’re saying it for the first time.

It may be a worthwhile investment of time and energy for them, but probably not for you.

Most of us will make the presentation maybe once or twice. So rather than memorize (which without all that work can sound robotic and can be scary), take the shortcut to having your gestures, face and voice be natural, sincere and enthusiastic–while staying on topic.

Give up feeling like you have to get the words right. It’s the ideas you want to share–not the words. Picture the idea, see it unfold and share it with the audience. And there you have sincerity, naturalness and enthusiasm.

Think in terms of ideas. Think in terms of your story line. Think in terms of your desired outcome.

In my workshop we cover all these steps and you get to practice them until it becomes logical and easy–for every presentation.

Your story (even a financial report, or progress report can have a story line) needs a beginning middle and an end. It needs to move logically through the points you want to make. And it needs to be clear to you and to the audience why this matters to them and what they’re supposed to do about it.

Break your story into logical little chunks: I’m going to go from this chunk to this chunk to this chunk–rather than trying to clutch at the words.

Draw some little stick figures that act as memory taps for each chunk. Practice telling your story from just using the stick figures as prompts. And then, maybe, you could memorize the pictures.

The pictures will come back to your thought much more quickly than will words, and they come as complete ideas that you can describe with various configurations of words.

This takes waaay less time than memorizing, gives you confidence that you know your story, and makes it possible to stay on track and keep your audience with you.

Try doing this on something that isn’t a do or die speech to see that it really works.

And if you’d like to get a real hold on it, sign up for my Speaking Workshop that starts February 15!!

This process just makes speaking so much easier and more enjoyable. I hope you’ll give it a try.

They listen better to stories!

Everyone finds it easier to listen to a story than to a report. It’s true you can lose them with a story if they think you’re being clever, or wasting time. But if the story is giving them the info they want, or need, they’re more likely to listen and to respond appropriately.

So the challenge is for us to spend a little bit of time looking at the facts and figures we want to present to see just how to fold it into a story. There’s a kind of flow to a story, a rhythm that feels different from reciting “just the facts.”

Even arranging the facts so there’s an easy story line to follow helps. “Here’s what we used to do, here’s what we’re doing now, and here’s how we plan to do it.

Use active rather than passive voice. “We are doing this.” Rather than “This is what was done.” It’s okay to say “I,” “we,” “they.” It makes it conversational and easier to listen to. If you’re using those words to make the story flow rather than to show off, they’re not only acceptable, they’re preferable.

Here’s possibility: Depending on the situation, you could make up a story that parallels what’s going on in the company but happening in an alternate universe. It can be easier for you to deliver and easier for the audience to listen to as you then bring them back to how that story connects to the current situation.

You could lead into it by saying something like, “Suppose for a minute . . . .”

There are a myriad of ways to approach making your presentation with an interesting story line. If you open your thought to the possibilities, you will come up with one that is unique to your situation and have a considerably more interesting presentation. Why not brainstorm with yourself to see how many ideas you can come up with? You may surprise yourself.

• Next speaking workshop starts Thursday August 10. Register at http://www.GettingOverYourself.com

Solid feet can lead to solid thought

Sometimes you feel like you’ve done your part just by putting together your words, combing your hair, and showing up.

Those are important, but not everything. If you’re not in control of your body, it’s hard to be invested in what you’re saying because your body is distracting you.

If your feet just do what they want, so will your head. Interestingly, and something you may want to test out, if you can plant your feet and tell them (just like you’d tell your dog) to “stay” they probably will stay without your having to focus on them.

And when your feet are planted, you just feel solid. In charge. Ready. Your head gets the message and settles down. Practice being aware of your feet and planting them at odd times during the day. Don’t wait until you’re in front of an audience. If you do, you’ll definitely be distracting yourself from your message.

Whether you shift back and forth, pace, tap your foot, cross your ankles, you’ll find that it just gives you a general feeling of being unsettled, and your brain is quite happy to join in that feeling.

So, get a grip on a solid stance, own it, and you’ll find your words will flow more logically and you will feel in control!

http://www.GettingOverYourself.com for more articles

How to be happy watching yourself on a recording!

Liking what you see has little to do with how tall you are, how much you weigh, what you wish you looked like.

I’ve observed over many years that people don’t mind watching themselves on a playback of a speech if they recognize themselves. “Yep, that’s who I am” goes a long way towards not minding any of the rest of it.

What we don’t like is anything that looks artificial about us. It feels embarrassing to watch because those things are all caused by any discomfort we feel, that we were hoping we could cover up.

Someone who is thinking about himself is not attractive.
You’re attractive when you’re thinking about others–yes, you. People worrying about themselves–not so much!

I bet there’s a candid photo of you that you love–because you were just being you and not worrying about posing, or thinking about how you don’t like having your picture taken. Just enjoying the moment.

You can make that happen in a presentation by getting yourself out of the way and focusing on how best to help your audience.

It takes practice. But it’s the only thing that really works. You’ll feel on top of things during the presentation, your audience will get what you’re saying, and you won’t mind watching a video of it.

Keep your eye on the prize–helping your audience absorb your message. How you look will then take care of itself!

http://www.GettingOverYourself.com for more tips

If you don’t connect, you’re wasting your time

If you want good results from your presentation, connecting with your audience needs to be a primary goal. For sure you want to be clear on what point you want to make. But connecting is equally important. If you don’t connect, they won’t listen–which means you’re wasting your time.

Here are the 2 avenues to connecting:
1. Connecting as fellow human beings and
2. Being sure your content is relevant and conversational.

I’ll repeat, if all you have is a clear vision of what you want to tell them, without the connecting aspect, you’re wasting your time.

1. Connecting as a fellow human means just talking to them, looking at them as you talk–just as you would one-on-one, and being conversational. It’s hard to connect when you’re mentally glued to your notes or to a screen. Be there and care about sharing this information and you’ll be connecting. Talk with them not at them.

And to help you get started on the right foot, don’t start talking just because you think they expect it. Don’t start until you are ready–which will help you feel in control

2. To make sure your content is also connecting you to them learn as much about them as you can – their jobs and their lives – so you can incorporate that into your content.  It will help guide your choice of examples and analogies, so you can tie those to what matters to them. Clearly you think they should know this information; it’s your job to help them feel that way too by making all your info relevant to them.

Connecting with your audience is your best shot at having them listen, get their buy-in, and follow through. And it’s way more fun for you, too.

*** To walk? Or not to walk?***

Some people say you need to use your space when you’re speaking. That apparently means you need to walk around as you speak.

But aimless wandering, pacing, (or even choreographed walking) can really annoy an audience. Rather than think of it as using your space, own the space.

There’s a big difference between feeling like you own the speaking space or just feeling like you’re renting.

Just as I talked last time about your hands supporting your message, your feet need to be doing the same thing. Movement for the sake of movement can be theatrical, personal, and distracting.

In my workshops, I have people give their speeches with their feet planted. It’s certainly less distracting than nervous pacing. And once you can give a 3-minute speech with your feet planted without focusing on keeping them planted, then you have the kind of awareness and control over your body that allows you to let your body move around the space when it is called for by the idea you’re expressing.

Again, being aware of what your body is doing–rather than focusing on it–keeps you from giving conflicting messages.

Move as the idea calls for it. And be comfortable with not moving. Your animation needs to come from your interest in your subject–which translates into liveliness in your face and voice.

Practice being able to stand quietly with your arms at your sides, having good posture, no tension until it feels natural. It helps you not only to get quiet, but also let your body and mind know what stillness feels like so you can claim it when you’re in front of an audience.

Owning the space rather than renting changes your posture, your attitude and your voice. Own it and then focus on your message.

http://www.GettingOverYourself.com

To talk with your hands? Or not?

To consider both sides of this:

On the “yes” side: Your hands can act as your best visual aids! Much better than many PowerPoint slides I’ve seen. They can do that if you’re visualizing what you’re saying–if it’s real to you. Because then your hands are supporting the ideas you’re expressing.

Yet another reason why you need to be committed to your story, to your message. It allows your hands to participate in a conversational way.

You also need to practice being aware of what you’re body is doing. Your body is a part of your story, and if you’re not aware of it (which is different from focusing on it) who knows what it’s doing? And if you’re not aware, it’s probably not helping you make your point. Worse yet, it may actually be distracting your audience from your point.

On the “no” side: There’s a big difference between expressive hands that are supporting your message and “talking with your hands.” This phrase is generally associated with hands just joyously wave around in the air drawing attention to themselves rather than to the idea.

So, to use your hands effectively:

1. Practice being aware of what your body is doing–including your hands. Do this at times other than when you’re giving a presentation. Just a few minutes during your day will soon translate into knowing what your body is doing without focusing on it.

2. Be clear on your story so you don’t have to feel tense about sharing it–maybe wondering if you’re going to remember what to say. This isn’t memorizing. This is having a story line, being clear as to what it is, and wanting to share it with the audience.

3. Then, let your hands participate whenever the ideas your expressing call on them to join in.

For more tips and articles on public speaking go to http://www.GettingOverYourself.com

For an interactive boost for your speaking take my Zoom speaking workshop March, 24, 31, April 7 and 14 2-4 PM PDT

Ending strong after a shaky start

When you start off on the wrong foot, it’s easy to get distracted and give up. If you feel like you’ve blown the opening it’s easy to mentally check out and just go through the motions–since it’s too embarrassing to just sit down.

Obviously, you want to start well. But if you didn’t, you have to deal with it. You can either give up, or you can alter your course.

When the speech is over, you can troubleshoot for what to do differently next time: Prepare sooner; don’t start until you’re ready; have an interesting opening; know what your opening is; not be distracted by who’s in the audience, or whatever it was.

But right now in this speech when you’re struggling, you can turn it around. If you end strong, they’ll forget the weak start. So there’s no time for thumb-sucking.

To get back on track remember: there’s a reason you’re talking to them and focus on what that is. Let go of the past. You can still help them if you don’t focus on yourself.

Pause and bring yourself back into your message. Stop talking and give yourself the opportunity to let your mind function.

It’s your choice. The choice is to stay stuck in the problem or to let it go and commit yourself to helping these people with this information. This is one of the reasons it’s so important to always be clear on how your information will help the audience. It makes it easier to maintain your story–no matter the circumstances.

No one will care if you take a long pause to reorient yourself– as long as the next thing you say is on point and said like you mean it.

You’re then back on track.

And when you get to the end, pause before your closing and deliver your bumper sticker message with conviction. And stick the landing. Don’t cave and run off. You’ve put the shaky opening to rest. Value your closing lines and what it means to the success of whatever the project is.    

The quicker you let go, the sooner you’ll be back in the groove and on point.

And that’s what your audience will remember.